Going to the Gym…Getting my TV On

After purchasing our new condo, my boyfriend and I both agreed to not splurge on cable in and effort to cut our monthly costs. With the advent of Hulu and Netfix, we thought we would have no use for cable anyway. As a New Years resolution, I joined at gym last January. Not only am I loving the fact that I feel healthier and don’t feel like my lung is about to pop every time I step onto an elliptical, I have found a very important reason to stick to my gym regime. I get to watch cable!!!! Turns out I miss it very much and my glorious glorious gym provides quite a bit of channels for my disposable. It is truly a wondrous thing. I get to work out and do the running I desperately need to all the while indulging in my guilty pleasure reality shows I hate making my boyfriend watch. (In all fairness he watches most with me but draws the line at Dancing With the Stars...)

As someone who has immersed herself in television and media (no not in a Jim Carrey/Cable Guy creepy sort of way where I think Gilligan is my real life best friend) I have grown to appreciate the reality television show in all of its’ forms. Time after time, reality programming has sucked me in and I start caring about these people I don’t actually know and very rarely respect. But boy, do I find them entertaining. I think gyms should really up sell their costumers and talk about their cable and television capabilities….I understand people actually go to the gym to work out and not get distracted but; come on. Lets all be honest for point five seconds. How much easier does the time go by when you are distracted by lovely (in my case) reality programming while you run for 45 minutes? I can’t think of anything greater.

I am being healthy while still indulging my mind with a creative source of entertainment. Right now, my favorite thing to watch at the gym is Bethenny Ever After (she is also a source of inspiration for me seeing as though I have used toothpicks with more girth than her). I have to say, although she looks like a Dr. Seuss character, she really does have a great body and she takes care of herself. I also, as you can tell from previous posts, love love love to watch the Real Housewives franchises (particularly Jersey and New York…sorry DC, you were a waste of time…hence why Bravo gave you the boot).

I think the moral of this story is if you must go to the gym and many of us really should, why not make it as pleasant an experience as possible and for me that is surrounding myself with terribly entertaining television.

Mob Wives are Keeping it All in the Family

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of experiencing masterful mafia television in the form of VH1’s new reality series Mob Wives. Man oh Man, is this show ridiculously amazing. Not only are the housewives actually terrifying (all of their men are in jail and half of the cast are related to the mob), they are self proclaimed "mob loyalists" who prefer the life of the "streets." Renee (the alpha housewife) goes on to say, “I don’t date…all the good ones are in jail.” Um….I would beg to differ but then again I think these women and I have very opposite tastes. These women are surrounded by crime and violence. They are violent and use confrontation as an ally. This combination of ostentatious behavior coupled with drama makes for an intoxicating mixture. The ladies of the show were on Good Morning America recently and discussed how Staten Island was not too please with the way they these ladies are depicting Staten Island. Not that I have been to Staten Island very often but I have been on the Ferry a couple times. Other than the mob connections and prison records…I don’t think these ladies are too far off from what I have seen of Staten Island. They are tough; from their accents down to there demeanors and I cannot get enough!

My concern is there won’t be a season two because these women will be “offed” due to them speaking about the “family business.” Maybe I am just not cut out for a life of crime but I would be terrified talking about my inner circle’s criminal records. But then again not much scares these women. I thought dating someone who was unemployed was bad, these people date criminals and dig it! Different strokes for different folks I guess. Either way, this show has sucked me in and promises to be a rollercoaster of emotion.

Now This is Impressive

Brian Wilson first grabbed my eye while closing game five of the 2010 World Series. While most others watching this important game were captivated about the fact that The Giants would be winning their first World Championship since 1954 (eat it, Red Sox…you’re lives haven’t been that bad anymore…so go cry somewhere else…not you Mike Lowell…I love you.) So there I was trying to concentrate on the game when this miraculous beard came into vision. Oh, Brian Wilson, it looks like you dip your beard in a can of tar but I can’t take my eyes off you. He and Kevin Youkilis (Red Sox) look like they were both scouted at a biker bar… I mean I dig it and everything but they are two scary dudes. I think Wilson’s closing power is hidden in his beard. Much like Superman is rendered useless when faced with kryptonite…so are Wilson’s opponents when faced with that massive nest of charcoal hair….I love the fact I wrote a blog about this man’s beard…think about that. I took time out of my day for this :) I am not, however, the only one impressed with the power of his chin follicles. Time and time again, Giant fans arm themselves with fake beards while chanting “fear the beard.” I find it humorous that he has generated such popularity by growing a beard…then again this is no ordinary accessory.

The Talent has been "Abducted"

On September 23^rd, 2011, Taylor Lautner will star in the upcoming movie “Abduction.” Real life girlfriend, Lily Collins (yup, Phil Collins’ daughter) also co stars along side Alfred Molina and Sigourney Weaver. Why Alfred and Sigourney are in this movie? I have no idea. I guess Law and Order: LA isn’t paying the bills for Molina and Sigourney is taking anything and everything she can get. I actually really like and respect both of these artists so perhaps this movie has more promise than one would think. Then again, Maria Bello is also in this movie and we all know she has starred in some real gems (Coyote Ungly…Duets…need I say more). The movie doesn’t actually look that terrible but then again a) I’m a nice person and b)I will watch anything. In fact, I kind of actually liked “Hot Tub Time Machine” (yes, I just said that…please don’t judge me.)

The acting is what bothers me the most about this movie. Particularly Lautner's acting or lack thereof. While watching the trailer yesterday I thought that the movie was intriguing enough but Lautner’s acting was so atrocious I might have to go see the movie and bring ear plugs. Aesthetically he and Lily Collins make a cute pair, but if I have to sit through two hours of melodramatic and over the top horrible acting I may just have to leave....movies are too expensive now...why would I waste hard earned money on a movie that should go straight to DVD. I think Phil Collins should make a cameo to spice up this action flick even more. Didn’t he ride in a helicopter in “Easy Lover.” The man clearly has action experience…Oh, Phil....I hope he makes a come back.

Anyway if anyone wants to see the trailer… I have provided a link below. What are your thoughts?

http://www.deadline.com/2011/04/hot-trailer-abduction/

Elsa Patton: Will You Be My Grandma?

While watching the Real Housewives of Miami the other day, I realized why this show sank in the ratings unlike the other Real Housewives franchises. During each season rich women from a specific city gallivant about town. While they are obnoxious and speak before thinking constantly, these women normally have a likability factor to them. While ridiculous, there is something about a Teresa or a Bethenny that is human and therefore viewers can connect and enjoy them. The Miami cast doesn't have any such luck. These women are just horrible and vapid. They have no redeeming qualities and therefore the viewers don't really care what happens to them.

In the midst of this Miami noise machine Bravo calls a show, there is one beacon of pure delight and enjoyment: Elsa Patton. This woman should not only get her own show, she should adopt me as her granddaughter. I will totally bail her out of jail the next time she's locked up...it's because I care. Do I have a wisecracking cuban grandmother already? Yes. Does she proclaim she is a witch with soothsayer powers? I wish! But no. Unfortunately, while my grandmother is hilarious she doesn't take to the sauce as well or as frequently as Elsa. Because she spends most of her time wasted on the show, the jewels that come out of her mouth are nothing less than fantastically entertaining. When she is not slurring her words while in a red wine induced coma, she is giving the people around her back-handed compliments and assuring her daughter she is a "modern woman" when it comes to sex! I could watch this woman for hours. I want to bring her home. She might scare people off with her face (she used to be a real knockout by the way...I've provided pictures below), but she has won the hearts of Bravo viewers with her wit and charm. I love her.

Here's a clip of her being fantastic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adL_-5Ak7hA

Here is what she used to look like: (Scroll down past her mugshot)
http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/cultist/2011/03/meet_elsa_pattons_old_face_fin.php

American Idol: Puppet Master

American Idol has become one of the most successful television programs in history. The program creators pride themselves on delivering "product." Essentially the pop princes and princesses that they produce are products for mass consumption. American Idol, now on season 10, has made a number of hopeful singers very popular while reaping the benefits from their promising stars.

The show encourages a formulaic mindset of music production. Employing a factory style mentality of sorts, it has become a conveyor belt developing and repackaging pop stars for mass consumption. While the show has been entertaining in the past, now that I am not such a great fan I can more clearly see what this show is all about. Instead of honing the craft of a young hopeful contestant, the show is hurting the integrity of music making by molding contestants into what the show needs. Individuality needs to be checked at the door if does not correspond with the needs of the show.

No one can argue the fact that American Idol has had tremendous success. What concerns me, however, is the fact that because it is so famous, this show is shaping conventions of taste. With that kind of power comes great responsibility (yes, I think i just quoted Spiderman :)

American Idol tries to portray itself as being altruistic in some ways. The show markets itself on being able to offer the ordinary person a shot at the American Dream. I would argue that this is not so. American Idol does not fulfill the prospective contestant’s dreams but instead fulfills the monetary dreams of the shows music executives and creators. The show's contestants sign their lives away. They can only endorse products that are sponsors for American Idol. They are not allowed to sign with any other record label for a certain amount of time after the show has completed filming. They essentially are American Idol puppets who serve as cash cows for the show.

There are also allegations that American Idol may not be as real as it claims to be. Many have wondered if the outcome and the contestant’s choices are rigged and pre-planned. I think it is important to question how "real" any of these reality shows really are. Not to say you shouldn't enjoy them. Just keep in mind, just like any production, this successful show is calculated and developed very carefully.

Mumford and Sons: Glory Bound

I remember watching Mumford and Sons perform live at the Grammys February of this year. I must embarrassingly confess it was the first time I had ever heard of them. While I want to kick myself for not knowing who these talented artists were long ago, I am also glad that the first time I was expose to them it was a complete and utter surprise. Because of my ignorance, I was blessed with the most powerful and overtly consuming experience. No one can argue that that performance did not help there career and give it the solidification and energy they needed to be part of "the big time". While Mumford and Sons always had that raw talent, the Grammys provided a vehicle for which they could demonstrate their musical passion and jaw-dropping talents.
Their live performance was by far one of the strongest and most moving performances I have had the privilege to witness. Granted, I was only watching it on screen and not in person. But their strength and overall good-time personalities jumped off the screen and demanded attention from everyone. I remember listening to them and being so moved that not only did my heart stop for a moment, I got goose bumps and felt exhilaration course through my veins. Their performance not only entertained, it inspired. People, who never heard of them (me), now would become devout fans. It makes me genuinely happy that a group with so much talent and diversity of sound is finally receiving the acclaim and attention they deserve. The music culture has been a little sad lately. Pop artists reuse and remix already existing sounds and make them their own. Not that that doesn’t take talent, it most certainly does. It is just refreshing to see a group with a new style. They commanded the stage in such a visceral way and people will be talking about that performance for years to come.

Take a gander if you haven’t already. You definitely won’t be sorry:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtEasM--AQg

Falling For The Stars

I don’t normally watch Dancing With the Stars, but the cast this season has sparked my interest. First of all, Ralph Macchio is on this season and for anyone who loved the Karate Kid (the classic original not the Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan version) or My Cousin Vinny, seeing a pop icon dance his way through the hearts of Americans is pretty entertaining. Wendy Williams is also a contestant this season. She bothers me but I have to be careful what I say. Her mannish features and overall demeanor scare me (not as much as mermaids) and I think she would and could totally beat me up. The main attraction for me is Kirstie Alley. I have been a fan of hers sine Cheers. I also was a fan of the Look Who’s Talking movies. She is funny and likeable and I think she is a wonderful and powerful comedienne.

I was very bothered by what George Lopez said on his show weeks ago about Kirstie. He called her a pig and continued to poke fun about her weight and how that would impact her performace. Ok, I realize George Lopez is by far the most unamusing human being in life but is he also blind? A)um..dude you are kind of portly yourself. In fact, you are a bit trollish in every sense of the word. B) You are lucky to even have a show. He uses his ethnicity for cheap laughs and when that material runs out he goes for the easy jab, in this case Kirstie’s weight.

Perhaps George is threatened by anyone who is funnier than him. Wow, that would mean his is riddled with anxiety. Kirstie is actually clever and funny. She, unlike George Lopez, is hilarious and because she is intelligent she makes witty comments that keep her fans engaged and entertained in a meaningful way.

Anyway, you all can only imagine how much my heart sank when Kirstie’s partner fell Monday night while trying to support her during a dance move. I was so upset for her. I want her to win this competition but also, because I identify with her, I felt so embarrassed for her. She showed her resilience, however, and picked herself back up. They ended the dance and received pretty decent scores. While it was difficult to watch someone you enjoy going through a rough time, I admire her more now for her bravery and strength. Take that, George Lopez!

Mermaids: Myth or Monsters?!?

Now that we are all friends, I must confess something to you all. I am terrified of mermaids(well...anything half man half animal freaks me out...). If I am 100% honest with myself centaurs creep me out too but nothing compares to my fear of mermaids. Something about being half human and half full of scales gives me nightmares. Let me rewind for a second and try to explain my "irrational fear" of something "not real." Have any of you ever seen the movie, "Splash" with Daryl Hanna (I later would grow to despise her because of this role) and Tom Hanks (he can do know wrong in my eyes except he fell in love with a fish in this horrible movie)? The year was 1984 when this "harmless romantic comedy" came out. Since it seemed to be without curse words of violence, my mother deemed it appropriate for me to watch this movie one day when I was five. Little did she know the effect this one movie would have on my psyche forever! I don't know if any of you remember the premise of this movie but when Madison (the monster..eh I mean mermaid) comes to dry land she has legs and all is good in the world. However, when she gets wet she would turn into a mermaid. Do you know what that did to me?? I wouldn't shower for days in fear of turning into a sea creature. My mother let me see 'Robocop" and although full of violence and vulgarity, I thought it was nothing compared to "Splash." To this day I can't listen to Madonna's "Cherish" song...yup Mermaid in the video....terrifying...
To clarify, I did very much enjoy the Little Mermaid, Ariel if you will, because she was jaunty and sang about town not hurting anyone and let's face it, people, she's a cartoon. So much less menacing that Daryl freaking Hannah...Ron Howard I expected more from you. (He directed this craptastic movie)

Rita Hayworth: The Creation of a Hollywood Star

I don't know how many are like me but I can't get enough of old Hollywood movies. The Golden Age of Cinema showcases for me the epitome of Hollywood glamour. While I don't think stars are what they used to be, I think that Hollywood continues to employ some of the same tactics when "creating a star." Publicists and agents have a lot of money invested in their stars. Because of this aspiring talents are formed into ideals. One of my all time favorite movie stars ever is Rita Hayworth. I thought she was so beautiful and glamorous. I was so fascinated by her that I decided to do a little homework and find out more about her. I had no idea that she was another Hollywood creation.

When most think of Rita Hayworth perhaps they think fondly of “Shawshank Redemption” and the poster that helps set Andy free. Perhaps you remember her fondly from movies such as “Gilda” or “The Loves of Carmen.” Most people would never know what she went through to become the “it” girl she was once revered as. Unfortunately, Rita Hayworth learned that there would be a price to pay in order to obtain success. Hayworth’s real name was Margarita Carmen Cansino, while her transformation was in some ways gradual, the lengths of her transformation were extensive. The fabrication of Rita Hayworth entailed body reshaping through hard exercise and body conditioning; her voice was also strengthened by diction lessons; changing her hair color from a dark brown to red; and raising her low forehead through two years of painful electrolysis on her hairline. This transformation was capped off by the anglicization of her name in 1937, when she signed a contract with Columbia Studios. In an era where the studio system owned celebrities and their identities, Columbia transformed the former Latin starlet known as Rita Cansino into their very own Rita Hayworth, All American glamour girl. “Rita Hayworth was a manufactured product by Columbia Pictures. She was trained, honed, hyped, and market-tested…” This coupled with the carefully methodological placement of her in publications grew rise to the All American Glamour girl she was presented to be. Can you all think of anyone you think has been clearly created by the Hollywood machine???

Playing For Change - Feeling the Unity of Sound

The multimedia project Playing For Change provides a combination of powerfully diverse visuals with a masterfully strung together collection of thought-provoking and emotionally charged songs. Created by the American producer/sound engineer Mark Johnson, this CD/DVD seeks to unify musicians from all over the world by using the universal language of music. This set entertains with novel renditions of classic songs like "Love is My Religion" and "One Love," while the DVD's strong visuals illustrate the unique tapestry of performers brought together to deliver this powerful message of unity and love. The album ends with what has become the project's signature song, "Stand By Me."

When Mark Johnson first heard Roger Ridley singing "Stand By Me" in the street, he wanted to share this man's soul and passion with the world. Playing For Change transformed Mr. Ridley from an obscure street musician into part of a global phenomenon. He personifies the hopes and dreams this album has been able to make come true. The Playing For Change Foundation uses its proceeds to build music schools for children around the world, thus keeping the dream of community through music alive for generations to come.

Subway Etiquette 101

I may be an emotional and affectionate person but I know when and where to be affectionate. I take the F train into Manhattan 5 days a week and without fail I see the same 15 year old starry eyed couple sucking face on the subway platform. I in no way begrudge their young love. In fact, the romantic in me relishes it, but come on people take it somewhere else. A) The subway smells like urine most of the time B) it’s early, people haven’t had there coffee yet and most people don’t want to see you swapping spit…nasty. I have had the glorious pleasure of standing next to this couple on the subway. I actually prefer the hissing ear buds from the music playing too loudly off someone’s ipod. At least, if you are lucky, guilty pleasures are revealed and you get to see a tough looking construction worker getting down to Taylor Swift. It doesn’t happen often but it’s truly magical when it does…but I digress… I have experienced all of the annoyances the Subway has to offer and yet hearing people make out or touch each other while I am literally less that a foot away is beyond awkward and let’s face it: rude. The only thing I think I find more repulsive is when people touch the subway pole and then proceed to eat their breakfast with the same grimy hand. Congrats, you just contracted TB…hope the bagel was worth it. Anyway, Happy Friday All. Also if you see this (link below) on the Subway platform…Run :) Enjoy the clip. I think we can all learn a valuable lesson from it. Never take things to far while enjoying the subway experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anz7Mdn2FqU